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I Solved For X

written Wednesday 8/27/2008
(song completed 7/15/2008)

This summer the song “I Kissed A Girl” topped the charts. It was nearly impossible to escape Katy Perry’s teeny-boppin’ tale of homoerotic titillation. It brought back memories of my youth, listening to naughty little pop ditties carefully crafted to make parents squirm. Ahhh, the pubescent years.

I remember the very first time I got that feeling. That disquieting stir of impending manhood. A curious sensation I had never felt before. What was happening? Was there something wrong with me? Were other boys my age going through this???

Yes indeed, I can’t help but smile as I wistfully recall those magical moments when, for the very first time math started lookin’ kinda good to me. Those tight, acute little angles. Those sultry (parabolic) curves. The unparalleled exuberance of delving deep into the unknown (variables). Yeah, early in my teen years I got those (calculator) digits and I finally scored (well on tests)!

Oh, to be young again.

I never will forget my very first time, when I solved for x… and I liked it.

I Solved For X

Click image to play full song by Mista Whizz-ite
(mp3 file will play from a new browser window)

Lyrics to “I Solved For X”

I Kissed A Girl

Click image to play one-minute clip from the song by Katy Perry
(mp3 file will play from a new browser window)


Photos and video from assembly performance

Photos from my new video “How to Make an @$$ of Yourself In Just Three Minutes.” This performance took place at a school assembly, but the acoustics of the gym were awful. Regardless, last photo shows the seniors diggin’ my jam.

Streaming video that I posted on YouTube of the performance should appear above. If not, then go directly to the video posting at If you still can’t view it, then either (a) You can’t access YouTube from your current computer, (b) You need to install the latest FlashPlayer plug-in for your web brower, or (c) God hates you.

Alternately, here’s the video in QuickTime format (7.4 Mb) stored on my own web host. To play this format, you’ll need Apple’s free QuickTime player installed. Someday, video on the web has got to get easier than this.

FYI: I have nothing to do with whatever other videos links are displayed at the end of the YouTube version of this video.